The countdown is over!

Well, here I sit in our hotel room in downtown Minneapolis waiting for 7:30 a.m. tomorrow.

The amnio comes first. If the results of that are OK, we move on to induction around noon.

And then?

It's all in God's hands. I want things to go smoothly and quickly but I really want my daughter born on July 1. We'll see if that's what God has in store for us. If not, of course I'll just be glad to have her in my arms, no matter what day it is...

Can't wait to meet you, baby girl!

D-Day is June 30

It's getting closer!

We will be induced at Abbott-Northwestern Hospital around noon June 30 (if the amnio comes back that our girl's lungs are mature enough).

I can't believe we get to meet her in less than a week!

It's been a long time coming. Not the 10-month pregnancy itself because I think that flew by.....but the waiting to become a mother...to have a child of my own. More than a decade, we've waited for this. For her. This exact child God created was meant to be ours. Now.

God may seem slow at times, but He is never late!

Amen!

Nursery 101

I can finally say after all of our hard work and effort, the nursery is now complete!

I love how it turned out. It's a nice mix of vintage, shabby chic, antique stuff, but still very feminine. It's also calming. I like going in there to sit in my glider rocker and just rock and think about how it will feel to have our daughter home and in this room we created for her.

I never thought it would actually happen. I dreamed. I hoped. I had faith in our Lord Jesus that He could do it. I just wasn't sure if that was His plan for us. I felt it deep down that someday I would be a mother but I didn't know how that would happen.

Just a short month away (if we make it that far)!

I cannot wait to bring our darling daughter home and have her meet all of the wonderful people who have loved and supported her parents from Day One.

We are one lucky family.

Lucky and blessed.

The Unknown

Well, tomorrow is another appointment in St. Cloud. Dr. Rice told us to pack our bags "just in case" Dr. Fairbanks tells us to head to Abbott after our appointment. I don't think it's going to happen but we'll pack our bags in order to be prepared.

All of our testings continue to go well at the hospital here. I've had several NSTs (non-stress tests) and BPPs (bio physical profiles) and she's passed them all.

I, however, apparently am doing a little too well in the blood pressure department. It was discovered last week that my blood pressure was too low. (Can you believe it? The doctors are all being overly cautious because on paper, I should be having issues with my blood pressure, etc., but instead, my bp did the complete opposite they thought it would). At its lowest, it was like 95/23 or something dumb like that. The nurse said I shouldn't have even been talking to her. Dr. Rice came in and asked me how I was feeling, if I had eaten, taken my meds, etc. I didn't have any symptoms of low bp...so it couldn't really be explained. She called the specialist in St. Cloud and he said for me to cut back on my bp meds. I did and came back in the next day to have my bp checked again. Then it was 145/75 so then Dr. Rice said to take my bp meds just once a day, in the morning and then see how it goes. The next day, it was still low but not like a few days before.

When I went for my testing yesterday, my bp was 121/62! Woohoo! They were thrilled.

And so was I.

A poem for our girl

We were blessed beyond all measure
That cool November night.
The test was finally positive.
Mom couldn’t believe her sight.

Dad was gone a-hunting
Gone for many days.
So Mom was left with a secret
Her thoughts going many ways.

God had finally done it!
A baby was on the way.
The countdown had begun
Only nine months away.

The time went by so fast
And now you’re almost here
We cannot wait to meet you
Our precious daughter dear.

A sneak peek

On May 18, I was blessed to get a sneak peek at what my daughter looks like.

I was having my routine BPP (biophysical profile which is essentially an ultrasound) and the tech said, "Let's flip the switch and take a few pictures of her in 3-D!" I definitely wasn't going to argue with her.

Next thing I knew, there she was on the screen and without any prompting from the tech, I could totally see my daughter's eyes, nose, mouth, chin, hand, chubby cheeks. She was right there. In plain sight. Right in front of me.

What a beautiful creation from God.

A blessing.

A true miracle.

Frustrated and confused but still pluggin' along

So, I met with Dr. Rice, my doctor at St. Joe's, last Thursday.

She was telling me how she'd had this conversation with Dr. Ney, the specialist from St. Cloud that I saw on May 10, and how Dr. Ney was telling her how we'd discussed our birth plan and that I would come down to Abbott in the Twin Cities and position myself locally at 38 weeks and stay down there until I give birth...also that Dr. Ney had intentions of doing an amnio on me at 38 weeks to check the baby's lung maturity.

I sat dumbfounded. I couldn't believe what I was hearing.

First of all, Dr. Ney never discussed any of this with me, and secondly, I already said that I have no intentions of "moving" to the cities to "live" for two weeks while the doctors figure out when I'm supposed to be giving birth. I said I couldn't afford that and I wasn't going to do it. I was so frustrated. I could barely speak. I just began shaking my head.

Dr. Rice kind of looked at me puzzled and said, "Did she not discuss any of this with you?"

I said, "This is the first I'm hearing any of this!"

Dr. Rice said she was disappointed because it was her understanding that Dr. Ney had discussed all of this with me.

So as of now, all of this is completely up in the air with the exception of the fact that I'm NOT going to the cities early. If I'm there, it's going to be because I'm having this baby!

After our discussion, Dr. Rice said that I was to have an NST (non-stress test) and BPP (biophysical profile). I left the hospital, came back to work for a half an hour or so, and went back to the hospital to have these two tests done.

The NST was to monitor baby's heart rate as she moves around, etc. They strapped a monitor on my belly to track her heart rate with a printout. She was moving around quite a bit, (as she does often) so they had to move the monitor thing twice. She finally stayed in one spot long enough for the nurses to get a good reading.

After nearly an hour, Dr. Rice came in and said that everything looked GREAT! I was relieved of course.

Then it was on to radiology for the BPP. It was basically an ultrasound but they looked at eight specific things including my amniotic fluid level, her diaphragm use (breathing) and her range of motion. I saw her profile again with her cute little nose and chin. I saw her ear, her hand with her fingers moving about as well as her foot being clear up by her head. She had the hiccups twice which the ultrasound tech said was obvious diaphragm usage. She is also head up again. She was facing outward and the tech said that when she made another pass through with the doppler, if she was still facing out, she'd flick the 3-D button on and take some pictures. I was so excited but tried to contain myself. Well, of course, why would my daughter cooperate? Ha-ha! The next pass through, she'd turned around and was facing inward so no 3-D pics this time around.

The tech was going to show my results to the radiologist and then to Dr. Rice and then Dr. Rice was going to call me so I went back out to the waiting room to sit.

After about 10 minutes or so, a nurse came and got me and directed me to a phone where Dr. Rice was holding. Dr. Rice said that baby could score an 8 out of 8 on the BPP and that was her score! Perfect! Again, I was very relieved...

BUT, and there's always one of those, I have to continue these tests weekly until she's born. The next one is tomorrow already.

I just hope my girl keeps impressing the docs because she's definitely impressing her mother.

Our girl is growing!

We had another U/S yesterday in St. Cloud.

I'm excited to report we're STILL having a girl...no joke. She showed her little girl parts very proudly!

And, I'm even more excited to report that she weighs in at a whopping 3 pounds, 13 ounces...woohoo for her!

We saw her face a little better....her chubby cheeks, her cute little nose...we even saw her mouth open and close! Too cool for words!

Doctor was completely unimpressed with me and the baby (meaning she couldn't find a darn thing wrong and that's a good thing for sure!)

We continued to be blessed! We go back to St. Cloud in five weeks — June 10.

Wonder what she'll look like then?

Pregnancy honor roll?

I got an A+ from my doctor yesterday regarding my pregnancy.

I don't know if it gets any better than that but I sure was pleased.

My BP was 126/70 and baby's heartbeat was 163, "just like a girl," my doctor said. I thought that was an old wives' tale but maybe not?

My doctor also predicted that I would have about a 6 pound baby so we'll see how close she is to being right. She also now thinks, based on how well I'm doing and how my blood pressure has been, that I could progress naturally with labor and possibly have a vaginal birth. What a switch from her saying that I would only be able to have a C-section. Of course, she still wants me at Abbott for the delivery. Apparently they just don't want to "mess" with me medically and would rather I'm cared for in the cities, which is fine by me. Whatever the experts say, I'll do. I want the process to be the best for me and my unborn daughter. But I don't want to have to "live" in the cities for a month before I give birth. THAT, is something I'm putting my foot down about. Unless of course it's emergency based. Then again, I'll do what they want.

My girl continues to be very active, kicking me constantly. The other night, I put a piece of paper on my belly and Todd and I watched it move and jiggle back and forth. Too fun!

April 30 marks 30 weeks. Only 10 to go if I even make it that far.

We continue to give God all the glory for this precious miracle we cannot wait to meet!

Daddy Boot Camp

Todd will be attending a Daddy Boot Camp class tonight at St. Joe's. I think he's a little nervous as he's not sure what to expect but I also think he's kind of excited about it too.

We talked about the fact that he hasn't changed a diaper in probably 15 years or so...so I got out a diaper and a stuffed dog and told him to go for it! LOL!

It was so funny. I put the dog on the couch and said, "Ok. There's our daughter and she has poopy pants. Change her."

He said, "Can't you just put it (the dog) on my lap?"

I said, "Do you think that's how you'll be changing her?"

"Well, no. Probably not," he said and chuckled while getting up to go to the couch.

He did an OK job actually but I kept saying, "Are you going to lean on your daughter's stomach like that? Are you going to push on her legs like that?"

Of course his answers were no but it was the idea behind what he was doing. I wanted him to take it seriously and he really wasn't.

He finished and said, "There. She's done. If the diaper doesn't fall off, we're good to go!"

The diaper didn't fall off but he sure didn't have the one side pulled tight enough.

Hopefully he takes notes tonight at class.

The third trimester

Tomorrow I hit the 28 week mark and the beginning of the end — the third trimester.

Where has the time gone? I think it's flown by...but I guess I should watch what I say as the next three months are bound to drag on and on...and I'll wonder when it will EVER end!

"Lucy Mathilda Duckie Howie Howard" continues to do well. She's growing nicely and not giving her momma too much grief. Although, she's quite the little kicker as she reminds me plenty throughout the day that she's in "there" and doesn't want me to forget it!

We have another ultrasound on May 3 so I cannot wait to see how she's grown and find out how much she weighs now. On March 22, she weighed 1 pound, 7 ounces, so I'm guessing she's going to be over 2 pounds for sure! Hopefully she cooperates and we get more great pics of her! I love looking at them...letting my imagination run wild...dreaming of how she'll look when she's born. Will she have hair? Will she have chubby cheeks? A little button nose? Beautifully formed lips?

Oh, the miracle of it all.

It's almost too much for my heart and mind to take.

How sweet it is...

I had to drink the orange-flavored drink yesterday. It was time for my gestational diabetes test.

And I'm happy to report, I passed. I needed a number less than 140 and mine came back at 99! Woohoo!

I was thrilled by that news since there was a good possibility my results could have gone the other way. I have diabetes in my family and of course I'm overweight. I didn't have a lot going for me other than the fact that I already take a medication that controls my blood sugars due to my insulin resistance. That definitely helped. Frankly, I don't care how my number got to 99, just as long as it did.

It's just one less thing to worry about for the remainder of my pregnancy.

100 days today and counting until July 10 (if I make it that far)!

25 weeks today and counting....

I had my second ultrasound on Monday in St. Cloud.

I'm still having a girl, thank goodness, as there has been an explosion of pink at my house lately!

And my girl weighs 1 pound, 7 ounces!

We met with Dr. Nye who was very nice. I liked her very much. When we go back down on May 3, we'll see her again. I'm glad about that as I feel it's important to establish relationships with these doctors rather than see different ones at each appointment.

She was shocked to find out that my doctor here in Brainerd had basically already made the decision that I would be having a c-section and having it at Abbott no less! She was not as convinced. At least I feel now that there are other things on the table. I felt like she listened to me and cared about what I was saying.

Meanwhile, Baby Girl Howard continues to kick me to remind me she's here. She doesn't do it on command, or rather, when I poke and prod and shake my belly. She definitely has a mind of her own!

I wonder if this is a glimpse of what's to come?

The first kick

She did it.

And I felt it.

My baby girl kicked me this morning and I felt it on the outside for the very first time!

What a moment to remember. I didn't cry like many of you might think. It just made me smile.

I told Todd about it and I'm sure he'll be asking me all the time now if I can feel her kicking because of course, he'll want to feel that kick for the first time, too.

Exciting and strange all at the same time.

What a miracle.

Information overload

I had a baby doctor appointment yesterday and found out some interesting stuff.

First, I will be having monthly ultrasounds in St. Cloud from now on as they want to closely monitor my little girl's growth. Because I take some medications, they want to make sure that none of those are hindering her growth. So far, that's not the case. She's right where she's supposed to be.

Secondly, I will definitely be having a C-section...but I wasn't surprised by that. In light of my blood pressure issues and current situation regarding my back/hip/leg, I was pretty much thinking C-section.

Thirdly, what I WASN'T thinking was that I would have my baby girl somewhere other than at St. Joe's! But guess what? I'll more than likely have her at Abbott in the Twin Cities! Not at all what I was thinking....and was quite shocked to be told this news yesterday without Todd being there with me. My doctor just kind of dumped it all on me!

But, the more I thought about this and talked with a few people, I realized it will be better to have a plan in place, rather than everyone having a high stress level (including me) and operating under an emergency situation. I don't want that either.

I just want what is best for me and the baby so if that means traveling a little farther from home to bring this beautiful girl in the world, so be it.

Something's a-flutter!

I think I'm finally feeling my little girl move inside me.

And what a weird feeling it is. To know that a human life is moving and growing and living inside me is hard to wrap my brain around. It's almost like the movie "Alien" as I wait for something to crawl out of my stomach. Eww. Terrible thought, I know.

But it really is surreal. I can't believe I'm responsible for growing this life (well, me and God). I'm trying to enjoy every new thing that happens to me on this journey. I never thought that I would experience any of this. I hoped and prayed it would but I thought I'd have to live vicariously through my friends and family, hanging onto their every word as they described their baby's kicks and bumps and twists and turns. Oh, how I wanted that for myself!

And now, praise the Lord, I've got it!

This just in!

We're having a GIRL! A beautiful, healthy baby girl!

We are thrilled beyond explanation. The idea of having a daughter just tops off this pregnancy.

Don't get me wrong. I would have been just as excited to hear we were having a son but from my mouth to God's ears, I hoped for a daughter. There just seemed to be something about that for me. The thought of raising a daughter seems easier to me somehow. I don't know why I feel that way. It's just something I have felt since finding out about this miracle.

We've been asked a lot about a name but have decided since we shared the news of the gender, the name is what we will keep for a surprise at birth.

Don't worry. Only about 20 weeks to go! :)

Pink or Blue?

After my latest doctor appointment on Monday, I found out that we'll be finding out the sex of our baby next Wednesday already! Oh my gosh! I had no idea it would be this soon. I was thinking more toward the first part of March!

We are very excited but we know if the baby doesn't cooperate, we won't get to find out. We really would like to know for shower planning purposes and for gift registering so let's all keep our fingers crossed that this baby keeps its legs uncrossed! LOL!

Call me crazy but....

I just e-mailed the Ellen DeGeneres show!

If you've read my blog entry entitled "Strange but true," you'll know that I was watching Ellen the night I found out I was pregnant. I thought the events were strange yet funny enough to send to her so I did. What do I have to lose, right?

The following blurb is what I sent to her show. I'm certainly not expecting to hear from her but it's fun to think of the possibility that she might call! LOL

To Ellen:
I'm a 36 year-old-woman who has tried for over a decade to become pregnant. On Nov. 6, 2009, I finally got what I've been praying for — a positive pregnancy test. I've recently lost 80 pounds and apparently God thought it was time for my husband and I to finally become parents — something we've wanted for years.

The reason I wanted to e-mail you, Ellen, is because I was watching your show the night I found out I was pregnant. You're on when I'm at work so I DVR the show. I was watching it on Friday, Nov. 6. It was the show where you were explaining to the audience how you'd had this dream to be on the cover of Oprah and how you put it out there in the universe and it came back to you in a really big way! You looked at the camera and said, "For anyone out there who wants something bad enough, put it out there and just maybe it will come back to you." So, alone in my living room, I looked at you through my TV and said out loud, "I want a baby."

A few hours later, I decided I should take a pregnancy test because there was the possibility I might be pregnant. But what you don't realize is that I had taken hundreds of these over the years and never got a positive result. Until that night.

Thank you, Ellen. I know that me telling you through the TV that I wanted a baby didn't really make that occur but your positivity and terrific attitude about life and the people you touch is very inspiring and I just wanted you to know that. Thanks for listening.

SpaghettiO's, Cereal and Candy, oh my!

I am one of the lucky ones. (Knock on wood).

I didn't have any morning sickness in the early stages of my pregnancy. You know the kind you hear about where the expectant woman spends a good portion of her mornings in the bathroom but not because she's fixing her hair and putting on her make-up?

Because I'm nearly 15 weeks, I think the morning sickness stage has passed. Don't get me wrong. I did have moments of nausea where I felt like I was wearing a tight turtleneck and it needed to be pulled far away from my throat. (I didn't really have a turtleneck on but it sure felt like it!) But those moments would go away almost as quickly as they would show up.

My version of morning sickness has been food aversion. A lot of my favorite foods do NOT sound good to me at all.

It started a few weeks ago. And then I thought I was over it. And now it's baaaaack, like a bad case of Poltergeist!

I mean, tonight we're going to have take and bake Rafferty's Pizza (one of my very favorites) but two weeks ago, you couldn't have paid me to eat any kind of pizza, let alone Rafferty's!

What a travesty that was. I love pizza. It's one of my very favorite foods but the thought of eating it was almost too much for me to bear. My aversions would also include other things i would normally love to make and eat: Chicken breast with potatoes and a vegetable? YUCK! A cheeseburger with a nice, big juicy tomato and lettuce on a bun? Gross!

On Sunday night, I made cheese tortellini with marinara sauce and light garlic toast. Sounded really good at the time but as I stood at the stove, browning the hamburger, adding the sauce and boiling the noodles, the thought of eating this meal was getting to me a bit. I thought, "Nah, it's all in your head. It's going to be fine."

We sat down to eat. I ate a piece of garlic toast. So far so good. Took a bite of the tortellini. It was OK. Took another bite and immediately passed it to my husband. Ate the other piece of garlic toast and went to the kitchen where I promptly made myself two pieces of peanut butter toast. That's what I had that night while my husband thoroughly enjoyed the Italian meal I made.

But in a strange turn of events, do you know what I LOVE and have frequently? Good ol' SpaghettiO's with meatballs or Ravioli. Anything like that in a can works for me! How dumb is that? I won't eat tortellini with red sauce but I manage to scarf down a bowl of noodle rings in orange sauce (sorry, but it ain't red!) with little processed meatballs?

The other thing I'm loving is fruity cereals. Usually I buy cereal that's "good" for me. But I don't think Berry Crunch, Fruity Pebbles, Cocoa Pebbles and Trix are good for me! But man, they sure do taste good!

And lastly, candy is my new favorite! Not chocolate candy. Sugar candy. Swedish Fish, Sour Patch Kids, Mike and Ikes. Love 'em all! And that's not usually what I'm into. I don't eat it everyday. I can manage to not do that. But I do occasionally indulge and I have no guilt about it. I'm not eating much of anything else so I figure a little candy can't hurt too much!

I can only imagine what next week will bring for food cravings or aversions.

But until then, here's to canned noodles, fruity cereals and sugar in a box!

Telling others the news

I told Heidi on Monday, Nov. 16. Her reaction was priceless! We were in the break room at work (where we were when she told me she was pregnant) and I handed her a Kleenex. She took it from me but looked confused. I looked at her and said, “I’m pregnant.” She said, “No you’re not.” I said, “Yes, I am,” and then I started to cry. Again, she said, “No you’re not!” but hugged me and cried with me. Needless to say, she was shocked!

After telling Heidi, I wanted to know her opinion of telling Roy and/or Kathi because this was the week we were supposed to be drafting vacations for next year. We agreed that I should tell Kathi. It would be only fair to let her know. She would be planning on taking vacations next summer but because that’s when I’ll be on maternity leave, she won’t be able to. I pulled her into the conference room, along with Heidi for moral support, and told her. She freaked out, rushed over to hug me, cried with me and proceeded to ask a zillion questions.

It felt really good to tell a couple of people. I can’t wait until everyone knows. This will all seem more real to me then because right now, I feel like I’m in my own personal bubble, floating along in some alternate world or something.

On Tuesday, Nov. 17, I continued this journey by telling two important people in my life — two women who have prayed for me and supported me for years and years — two women who I love dearly and don’t know what I would do without.

Needless to say, Patty and Melissa were thrilled but shocked as well! I had made a frame that read "Miracles Happen" and put a picture of my positive pregnancy test in it. I had them close their eyes while I got my camera ready and set up the frame in front of them. Their facial expressions were priceless!

We told Jim and Sheila, good friends of ours from church, a few days later. Todd got to spill the beans to them by telling them we got some news and how he was going to be a 40-year-old father! They were VERY excited for us too. Sheila and I hugged and cried. They too know the struggles of trying for years and years to get pregnant. But, God answered their prayers as well as they now have two beautiful children, Jackalyn and Derek.

We told Dave and Julie with a good ol' knock knock joke. I said, "Knock knock." Dave said, "Who's there?" I said, "I'm." He said, "I'm who," and I said, "I'm pregnant!" Of course, there were more hugs and exclamations of joy for us!

It felt good to share our news with all of these people but who we really wanted to tell were our families. The joy that this would bring was almost too much to comprehend. I began worrying that if we told them too soon and something happened with this pregnancy, I would be responsible for taking away this great joy I had given them. If they didn't know yet, and something happened, it would be only grief they would experience with us, not necessarily the joy of knowing beforehand. We made the difficult decision to keep it from our families until Christmas. I would be 11 weeks on Christmas Day and we thought that was close enough to the "safe time" to share by then.

So, we waited and waited and waited for Christmas to come.

And oh how difficult that was!

But the day finally came. Christmas Eve was here.

We traveled to the Howards in Aitkin for our Christmas gathering of presents and fun. After we were done there, we packed up and went back up the road to Grandma Howard's house where another gathering of family, fun, food and gifts awaited us.

I didn't think the time would ever come to round everyone up for a family photo (a tradition we've done for years and years). This year, however, I said I wanted a picture with my camera as I never get a copy of one of these photos.

The tripod was set up and it was my turn with the camera. I got everything situated, flipped on the video button (little did the family know) and quickly grabbed our framed ultrasound picture, came around from behind the tripod, looked at Todd and he screamed, "DeLynn's pregnant!" There is literally a split second where the family is processing the information they just heard and then it's nothing but resounding screams and clapping and tears! It was a great moment.

With my family, it was a bit more low-key.

I told my sister, Kelly, a few weeks before Christmas because I wanted a moment with just her and I. We were at her house for a Christmas gathering with some friends and I pulled her aside. I told her I had an early Christmas present for her and it was something she'd never gotten before but maybe always wanted. She said, "OK!" with her eyes wide with wonderment. I said, with tears already in my eyes, "You're going to be an auntie!" She immediately started crying and we hugged. She told me she had been praying for that for a long time. I felt so blessed in that moment. Kelly yelled for Seth and he came into the bedroom where we were. We told him we were going to make him an uncle. He was very happy for us too!

We went to my mom and dad's house on Christmas morning and got there before Kelly and Seth and my niece, Tierney. We had a gift for my mom and dad and said they could go ahead and open it because we had already given the same gift to Kel and Seth.

My mom said, "It's probably a new picture of you two." I thought to myself, "Oh Mom. You have no idea!"

Todd and I had our picture taken at my sister's house a few weeks back. It really turned out nice so I took that picture, put some text across the top that said, "We're having a baby! July 2010" and put it in a frame that said FAMILY at the top. That's what I wrapped up to give to my parents.

My mom decided to open it and Todd grabbed our camera and flipped it to video even though my mom and dad didn't know they were being filmed. When my mom opened the box and saw the silhouette of the frame, she said, "I knew it." When she turned the frame over and read what the photo said, she put her hand over her mouth, said, "No. No, you're not!" and began to bawl. Meanwhile, my dad had NO idea what was going on. She handed it to my dad and proceeded to cry. My dad looked at the picture, looked at me and said, "You're kidding?!" (That was a VERY popular response to our news from everyone we told!) It was shocking, even to us!

Telling Todd our wonderful news!

Spent the day with the Becks on Sunday, Nov. 15. Todd finally made it home and came over to the Becks too. We watched the Vikes, had lunch and hung out. Finally around 6 p.m., I told Todd I was tired and wanted to go home. What I really wanted was to tell him our news! I had waited long enough!

We got home and he unloaded some of his hunting crap. I waited patiently for him to get seated in his recliner. When he did, I went into our bedroom and got a small package out of my dresser drawer. He said, “Now what’d you buy me at the craft show?”I handed him the package and he said, “It’s a T-shirt but what does it say?” I said, “Hang on. I need to get the camera.” He said, “Why? Oh man. What’s it say?” I prepared the camera and told him to go ahead and open it.

The picture I took wasn’t very good as it just shows him holding up the T-shirt and reading it. I didn’t get the reaction shot I had hoped for but that’s OK.

His T-shirt said, “Trophy Daddy.” I had made it because of the Trophy Husband sweatshirt joke between us. He read the shirt, looked at me and said, “Really?” And I was already bawling! He jumped up, yelled “Yippee” or something like that and then we hugged and cried and he repeated “Amen” over and over again! We took a picture of ourselves. He’s wearing the T-shirt proudly even though I ironed the wording on crooked! Oh well. I told him I’d make him a new one if he really wanted one!

We discussed who we were going to tell and I said that I had had nine days to think about this and to hear me out. I told him I wanted to tell Heidi, Patty, Melissa, Dave and Julie and Jim and Sheila, as all of these people have already been praying for us throughout this process. He agreed that it was OK to tell those people.

First appointment

Well, I met with a nice RN named Donna on Nov. 11. She was very sweet. I didn’t make her cry but of course, I cried. Imagine that.

I had blood work done and gave a urine sample. Special. My first appointment with Dr. Rice is Dec. 3 at 9 a.m. I’m excited but nervous. Oh, and I found out that on Friday, I’ll be six weeks along. Only six weeks more before it’s “safe” to tell people.

After I tell Todd on Sunday, I’m hoping we can discuss telling just a few others. I want to tell Heidi, Patty, Melissa, Dave and Julie and Jim and Sheila. We’ll see what Todd says.

Trying to act 'normal'

I took a third pregnancy test Nov. 8. Yep, it said “Pregnant.” I can’t help but keep taking the tests! Maybe I’ll take one more next Sunday so I have something to show Todd. I’m going to head to my mom and dad’s to visit. I wish I could tell them. I wish I could tell everyone. I want to scream it at the top of my lungs!

Had fun with my mom. Beat her in two games of cribbage. That was great. It was so hard to keep my mouth shut though. Wow. Not sure how long I can keep this up once I tell Todd. Tomorrow morning (Nov. 9), I am calling the OB/GYN nurse at St. Joe’s. That’s the first step in this journey. Can’t help but wonder how it’s all going to go. I guess I just have to go to bed now so I hopefully fall asleep. That way tomorrow morning will come sooner!

I woke up Monday morning anxious and excited. I made the call to St. Joe’s and rambled on to this woman who answered the phone. Come to find out, it really wasn’t the right woman to ramble to. Nice! She told me to call back at 8 a.m. and talk to a woman named Mary. I did so and now have my first OB/GYN appointment at 9 a.m. Wednesday, Nov. 11. Scared! But excited too!

The day after....

I got up after 8 a.m. on Nov. 7. I couldn’t sleep anymore. Too excited, nervous, etc. I waited for BMC to open at 9 a.m. and called to talk with a triage nurse. I needed to ask someone what my next step was. I take a few medications and I needed to know if it was OK to continue taking them. Telling some stranger the news was still exhilarating! I explained my situation with having PCOS and basically how we’ve tried for more than 10 years to get pregnant and now as I spoke with her, I was looking at not one but two digital pregnancy tests with the word “Pregnant” on them. She was so joyful for me. She told me she had goose bumps and was just thrilled! I could hear it in her voice. If a perfect stranger reacted that way to my news, what in the world was everyone else going to say? I could only imagine.

Next up is to call the OB/GYN nurse on Monday morning. She will schedule an appointment for me and we’ll go from there. The BMC triage nurse, Pat was her name, also told me she had a task for me. She said since I would have the whole week to myself with this news before telling my husband, I had to come up with some creative and exciting way to tell him. It has to be GREAT. I want Todd to remember that moment for the rest of his life. So, I have quite the task ahead of me. More later. I’m off to shower and then I’m going to venture over to Aitkin and see the family over there. How great it will be to tell them later on that I was pregnant and none of them knew it!

Well, that went just fine. Of course, no one expected a thing but why would they? I did get a lot of compliments on my weight loss which was very nice to hear. Even my father-in-law gave me an “Atta, girl.” I appreciated all the nice comments. Now off to bed. Tomorrow is church. Looking forward to going and praising my Heavenly Father and thanking Him for what He has given me. God is so good.

To tell or not to tell....No question!

Now, to deal with not telling anyone this blessed news!

Boy, that’s going to be tough. For right now, it’s just me and God. But you know, I kind of like it that way. I wonder how I’m going to go to sleep tonight. And I’m supposed to go to Aitkin tomorrow (Nov. 7) to see everyone for the deer hunting weekend. How in the world am I going to do that? Will they be able to read it on my face? Will I be glowing like people say? We’ll see what the day brings I guess. I may just have to stay away since that’s also where Todd is. I don’t want to tell him until I’ve been to the doctor. I have to be absolutely 100 percent sure of this news before I figure out a way to tell him. Boy, he’s sure going to be surprised!

Well, I didn't make it to bed until after 3 a.m. that night. I was too excited and I decided to take another pregnancy test since I had one. Yep, you guessed it. That one said “Pregnant” too! Yippee!

Strange but true

OK, now for some strange stuff...I HAVE to document this because, well, I don’t believe in coincidences anymore. God has His hand in everything we do. We want signs? He gives them to us every day. We’re just sometimes too blind or too caught up in life to notice.

Here’s sign No. 1.
On Wednesday, Nov. 4, I walked into our middle bedroom where my closet is and there on the floor near my closet was a box. A pregnancy test box to be exact. I had stashed the box on the shelf in my closet like I had done many times before. It’s not something I wanted just hanging out for everyone to see and question. Todd never even knew about the tests but only because I didn’t want to ever get his hopes up just to have them come crashing down much like mine did every single time I took one of those tests! I swear we should have bought stock in Clearblue Easy. We’d be rich for sure!

Anyway, I walked over and picked that box up and shoved it back in the closet. For a brief moment, I wondered to myself if that meant something. Then, I passed it off as wishful thinking. I was due to get my period the next day. For whatever reason, it just fell off the closet shelf and landed in plain sight where I could see it. Right!

Thank you, God, for sign No. 1.

No. 2 isn’t really a sign, I guess, but more like an odd occurrence.

I was watching Ellen as I always DVR her show. In the beginning of her monologue, she was telling her audience how she was going to reveal to them the cover of “O” Magazine, in which she is on the cover with Oprah herself in next month’s issue. Then she proceeded to show previous episodes where she “talked” to Oprah through the camera, asking to be on her magazine. It went back to her monologue and she explained what she believed really happened. She said she put her desire to be on “O” out there for the universe in the hopes the universe would give it back to her, answering her request with a resounding yes! Then she told her audience and the camera that if you have a dream, ask for it. Put it out there and it would come back to you. So, for whatever reason I said out loud, by myself in my living room, “I want a baby,” and then sort of chuckled to myself, thinking that seemed a bit ridiculous. Obviously the universe wasn’t going to grant me this special wish. God was going to do it. Little did I know that just a few short hours later, He would do it in a really big way!

No. 3 isn’t really a sign either, just another odd thing. I sometimes like to go on You Tube and look up videos of people surprising their friends and family with the news they’re pregnant. I know. Pure torture, right? I watched a few videos and then realized I really needed to pee. I got up and decided right then and there I was going to take a pregnancy test. The fact that my period never showed up on Thursday, Nov. 5, was driving me nuts. I had been really regular for the past year and was on a 34-day cycle. But the day came and went with nothing. I tried talking myself into the idea that I had the symptoms. I was moody, emotional, my boobs were sore and I just felt like it was coming. I’ve been stressed out about our financial situation lately and chalked up my lateness to that. I even told Tina that earlier in the day. Those who have tried and tried for years to get pregnant know what it’s like to be disappointed time and time again. I was getting my period. I was sure of it. And to just calm my nerves, I was going to rule out being pregnant. Getting those words “Not pregnant” was something I was used to. So, I was just going to pee on the stick, get the word NO out of the way and then concentrate on hopefully getting my period in the next day or two. I guess it’ll be longer than a day or two now.

I kept picking up the test and looking at it. I’d like to say words can’t describe how I’m feeling but I guess I’m doing a good job of putting this evening into words.

I passed the test!

11:43 a.m. on Nov. 6, 2009, will forever be ingrained in my memory.

That is the exact moment I found out I was pregnant. I’ve waited more than 10 years to see that pregnant “sign” in that little window and I finally got it. It wasn’t even the sign. I got the word itself. I keep looking at it, wondering if it will disappear. I mean, I know it’s going to eventually so I took a picture of the test. I also took a few “ugly cry” pictures of myself. Not pretty at all but since I’m here by myself with no one to witness this momentous occasion, I thought it would be only fair to somewhat document my emotions. You can certainly see the emotion on my face. Whew. Not good. Hopefully, years later I can just look at them and laugh.

When I glanced down at that test, I had already set myself up for the answer. It would be the same answer I’ve gotten time and time again. Not pregnant.

Boy, was I surprised! I wish I would have had a picture of that. I stared at myself in the mirror for just a second or two, clamped my hand over my mouth and began to cry out to God. “My God, my God. I’m pregnant. Thank you, Jesus. Thank you!”

After a short time of freaking out (in a good way), I flipped on the TV to the Christian music channel. The song that was just beginning to play was called “Hope Now” by Addison Road. I’d never heard the song and I don’t know who the group is. Because I was still in shock and crying, I didn’t really pay attention to the lyrics much. After I was finally calm enough, I Googled the song and group. Following are the lyrics to the song “Hope Now.” Very powerful stuff. I shouldn’t be surprised. This is the Almighty we’re talking about.

“Hope Now” by Addison Road
If everything comes down to love
Then just what am I afraid of
When I call out Your name
Something inside awakes in my soul
How quickly I forget I'm Yours

I'm not my own
I've been carried by You
All my life


(CHORUS)
Everything rides on hope now
Everything rides on faith somehow
When the world has broken me down
This love sets me free

When my life is like a storm
Rising waters all I want is the shore
You say I'll be ok and
Make it through the rain
You are my shelter from the storm

(CHORUS)
And everything rides on hope now
And everything rides on faith somehow
When the world has broken me down
This love sets me free

You've become my hearts desire
I will sing Your praises higher
Cause Your love sets me free
Your love sets me free
Your love sets me free

I'm not my own
I've been carried by You
All my life

(CHORUS)
Everything rides on hope now
Everything rides on faith somehow
When the world has broken me down
This love sets me free

This love sets me free
Your love sets me free
This love sets me free
Your love sets me free
Your love sets me free
Your love sets me free

Wow. That’s all I can really say! The song simply states to have hope now. Boy, do I ever. I am ashamed to even admit that I was losing hope, not having enough faith in my Heavenly Father. I am so blessed to know that I am forgiven for even doubting Him. What an awesome God we have!

The secret's out — finally!

Now that my pregnancy secret is no longer that, I wanted to get going on this blog.

Because I knew I would eventually start blogging about this incredible journey we've begun, I journaled the night I found out I was pregnant. Firstly, because I was home alone as my husband had begun his 9-day "deer hunting vacation" and missed out on the initial excitement of that first positive pregnancy test, and secondly, I knew that getting my words down on paper (or a blog) would be important to later share with our child.

So, what follows this intro is the first blog regarding my thoughts and feelings after finding out I was finally pregnant after all these years.

I hope you all enjoy reading this blog as much as I will as I update it.