I passed the test!

11:43 a.m. on Nov. 6, 2009, will forever be ingrained in my memory.

That is the exact moment I found out I was pregnant. I’ve waited more than 10 years to see that pregnant “sign” in that little window and I finally got it. It wasn’t even the sign. I got the word itself. I keep looking at it, wondering if it will disappear. I mean, I know it’s going to eventually so I took a picture of the test. I also took a few “ugly cry” pictures of myself. Not pretty at all but since I’m here by myself with no one to witness this momentous occasion, I thought it would be only fair to somewhat document my emotions. You can certainly see the emotion on my face. Whew. Not good. Hopefully, years later I can just look at them and laugh.

When I glanced down at that test, I had already set myself up for the answer. It would be the same answer I’ve gotten time and time again. Not pregnant.

Boy, was I surprised! I wish I would have had a picture of that. I stared at myself in the mirror for just a second or two, clamped my hand over my mouth and began to cry out to God. “My God, my God. I’m pregnant. Thank you, Jesus. Thank you!”

After a short time of freaking out (in a good way), I flipped on the TV to the Christian music channel. The song that was just beginning to play was called “Hope Now” by Addison Road. I’d never heard the song and I don’t know who the group is. Because I was still in shock and crying, I didn’t really pay attention to the lyrics much. After I was finally calm enough, I Googled the song and group. Following are the lyrics to the song “Hope Now.” Very powerful stuff. I shouldn’t be surprised. This is the Almighty we’re talking about.

“Hope Now” by Addison Road
If everything comes down to love
Then just what am I afraid of
When I call out Your name
Something inside awakes in my soul
How quickly I forget I'm Yours

I'm not my own
I've been carried by You
All my life


(CHORUS)
Everything rides on hope now
Everything rides on faith somehow
When the world has broken me down
This love sets me free

When my life is like a storm
Rising waters all I want is the shore
You say I'll be ok and
Make it through the rain
You are my shelter from the storm

(CHORUS)
And everything rides on hope now
And everything rides on faith somehow
When the world has broken me down
This love sets me free

You've become my hearts desire
I will sing Your praises higher
Cause Your love sets me free
Your love sets me free
Your love sets me free

I'm not my own
I've been carried by You
All my life

(CHORUS)
Everything rides on hope now
Everything rides on faith somehow
When the world has broken me down
This love sets me free

This love sets me free
Your love sets me free
This love sets me free
Your love sets me free
Your love sets me free
Your love sets me free

Wow. That’s all I can really say! The song simply states to have hope now. Boy, do I ever. I am ashamed to even admit that I was losing hope, not having enough faith in my Heavenly Father. I am so blessed to know that I am forgiven for even doubting Him. What an awesome God we have!