Tuesday, January 19, 2010

Call me crazy but....

I just e-mailed the Ellen DeGeneres show!

If you've read my blog entry entitled "Strange but true," you'll know that I was watching Ellen the night I found out I was pregnant. I thought the events were strange yet funny enough to send to her so I did. What do I have to lose, right?

The following blurb is what I sent to her show. I'm certainly not expecting to hear from her but it's fun to think of the possibility that she might call! LOL

To Ellen:
I'm a 36 year-old-woman who has tried for over a decade to become pregnant. On Nov. 6, 2009, I finally got what I've been praying for — a positive pregnancy test. I've recently lost 80 pounds and apparently God thought it was time for my husband and I to finally become parents — something we've wanted for years.

The reason I wanted to e-mail you, Ellen, is because I was watching your show the night I found out I was pregnant. You're on when I'm at work so I DVR the show. I was watching it on Friday, Nov. 6. It was the show where you were explaining to the audience how you'd had this dream to be on the cover of Oprah and how you put it out there in the universe and it came back to you in a really big way! You looked at the camera and said, "For anyone out there who wants something bad enough, put it out there and just maybe it will come back to you." So, alone in my living room, I looked at you through my TV and said out loud, "I want a baby."

A few hours later, I decided I should take a pregnancy test because there was the possibility I might be pregnant. But what you don't realize is that I had taken hundreds of these over the years and never got a positive result. Until that night.

Thank you, Ellen. I know that me telling you through the TV that I wanted a baby didn't really make that occur but your positivity and terrific attitude about life and the people you touch is very inspiring and I just wanted you to know that. Thanks for listening.

SpaghettiO's, Cereal and Candy, oh my!


I am one of the lucky ones. (Knock on wood).

I didn't have any morning sickness in the early stages of my pregnancy. You know the kind you hear about where the expectant woman spends a good portion of her mornings in the bathroom but not because she's fixing her hair and putting on her make-up?

Because I'm nearly 15 weeks, I think the morning sickness stage has passed. Don't get me wrong. I did have moments of nausea where I felt like I was wearing a tight turtleneck and it needed to be pulled far away from my throat. (I didn't really have a turtleneck on but it sure felt like it!) But those moments would go away almost as quickly as they would show up.

My version of morning sickness has been food aversion. A lot of my favorite foods do NOT sound good to me at all.

It started a few weeks ago. And then I thought I was over it. And now it's baaaaack, like a bad case of Poltergeist!

I mean, tonight we're going to have take and bake Rafferty's Pizza (one of my very favorites) but two weeks ago, you couldn't have paid me to eat any kind of pizza, let alone Rafferty's!

What a travesty that was. I love pizza. It's one of my very favorite foods but the thought of eating it was almost too much for me to bear. My aversions would also include other things i would normally love to make and eat: Chicken breast with potatoes and a vegetable? YUCK! A cheeseburger with a nice, big juicy tomato and lettuce on a bun? Gross!

On Sunday night, I made cheese tortellini with marinara sauce and light garlic toast. Sounded really good at the time but as I stood at the stove, browning the hamburger, adding the sauce and boiling the noodles, the thought of eating this meal was getting to me a bit. I thought, "Nah, it's all in your head. It's going to be fine."

We sat down to eat. I ate a piece of garlic toast. So far so good. Took a bite of the tortellini. It was OK. Took another bite and immediately passed it to my husband. Ate the other piece of garlic toast and went to the kitchen where I promptly made myself two pieces of peanut butter toast. That's what I had that night while my husband thoroughly enjoyed the Italian meal I made.

But in a strange turn of events, do you know what I LOVE and have frequently? Good ol' SpaghettiO's with meatballs or Ravioli. Anything like that in a can works for me! How dumb is that? I won't eat tortellini with red sauce but I manage to scarf down a bowl of noodle rings in orange sauce (sorry, but it ain't red!) with little processed meatballs?

The other thing I'm loving is fruity cereals. Usually I buy cereal that's "good" for me. But I don't think Berry Crunch, Fruity Pebbles, Cocoa Pebbles and Trix are good for me! But man, they sure do taste good!

And lastly, candy is my new favorite! Not chocolate candy. Sugar candy. Swedish Fish, Sour Patch Kids, Mike and Ikes. Love 'em all! And that's not usually what I'm into. I don't eat it everyday. I can manage to not do that. But I do occasionally indulge and I have no guilt about it. I'm not eating much of anything else so I figure a little candy can't hurt too much!

I can only imagine what next week will bring for food cravings or aversions.

But until then, here's to canned noodles, fruity cereals and sugar in a box!

Monday, January 18, 2010

Telling others the news


I told Heidi on Monday, Nov. 16. Her reaction was priceless! We were in the break room at work (where we were when she told me she was pregnant) and I handed her a Kleenex. She took it from me but looked confused. I looked at her and said, “I’m pregnant.” She said, “No you’re not.” I said, “Yes, I am,” and then I started to cry. Again, she said, “No you’re not!” but hugged me and cried with me. Needless to say, she was shocked!

After telling Heidi, I wanted to know her opinion of telling Roy and/or Kathi because this was the week we were supposed to be drafting vacations for next year. We agreed that I should tell Kathi. It would be only fair to let her know. She would be planning on taking vacations next summer but because that’s when I’ll be on maternity leave, she won’t be able to. I pulled her into the conference room, along with Heidi for moral support, and told her. She freaked out, rushed over to hug me, cried with me and proceeded to ask a zillion questions.

It felt really good to tell a couple of people. I can’t wait until everyone knows. This will all seem more real to me then because right now, I feel like I’m in my own personal bubble, floating along in some alternate world or something.

On Tuesday, Nov. 17, I continued this journey by telling two important people in my life — two women who have prayed for me and supported me for years and years — two women who I love dearly and don’t know what I would do without.

Needless to say, Patty and Melissa were thrilled but shocked as well! I had made a frame that read "Miracles Happen" and put a picture of my positive pregnancy test in it. I had them close their eyes while I got my camera ready and set up the frame in front of them. Their facial expressions were priceless!

We told Jim and Sheila, good friends of ours from church, a few days later. Todd got to spill the beans to them by telling them we got some news and how he was going to be a 40-year-old father! They were VERY excited for us too. Sheila and I hugged and cried. They too know the struggles of trying for years and years to get pregnant. But, God answered their prayers as well as they now have two beautiful children, Jackalyn and Derek.

We told Dave and Julie with a good ol' knock knock joke. I said, "Knock knock." Dave said, "Who's there?" I said, "I'm." He said, "I'm who," and I said, "I'm pregnant!" Of course, there were more hugs and exclamations of joy for us!

It felt good to share our news with all of these people but who we really wanted to tell were our families. The joy that this would bring was almost too much to comprehend. I began worrying that if we told them too soon and something happened with this pregnancy, I would be responsible for taking away this great joy I had given them. If they didn't know yet, and something happened, it would be only grief they would experience with us, not necessarily the joy of knowing beforehand. We made the difficult decision to keep it from our families until Christmas. I would be 11 weeks on Christmas Day and we thought that was close enough to the "safe time" to share by then.

So, we waited and waited and waited for Christmas to come.

And oh how difficult that was!

But the day finally came. Christmas Eve was here.

We traveled to the Howards in Aitkin for our Christmas gathering of presents and fun. After we were done there, we packed up and went back up the road to Grandma Howard's house where another gathering of family, fun, food and gifts awaited us.

I didn't think the time would ever come to round everyone up for a family photo (a tradition we've done for years and years). This year, however, I said I wanted a picture with my camera as I never get a copy of one of these photos.

The tripod was set up and it was my turn with the camera. I got everything situated, flipped on the video button (little did the family know) and quickly grabbed our framed ultrasound picture, came around from behind the tripod, looked at Todd and he screamed, "DeLynn's pregnant!" There is literally a split second where the family is processing the information they just heard and then it's nothing but resounding screams and clapping and tears! It was a great moment.

With my family, it was a bit more low-key.

I told my sister, Kelly, a few weeks before Christmas because I wanted a moment with just her and I. We were at her house for a Christmas gathering with some friends and I pulled her aside. I told her I had an early Christmas present for her and it was something she'd never gotten before but maybe always wanted. She said, "OK!" with her eyes wide with wonderment. I said, with tears already in my eyes, "You're going to be an auntie!" She immediately started crying and we hugged. She told me she had been praying for that for a long time. I felt so blessed in that moment. Kelly yelled for Seth and he came into the bedroom where we were. We told him we were going to make him an uncle. He was very happy for us too!

We went to my mom and dad's house on Christmas morning and got there before Kelly and Seth and my niece, Tierney. We had a gift for my mom and dad and said they could go ahead and open it because we had already given the same gift to Kel and Seth.

My mom said, "It's probably a new picture of you two." I thought to myself, "Oh Mom. You have no idea!"

Todd and I had our picture taken at my sister's house a few weeks back. It really turned out nice so I took that picture, put some text across the top that said, "We're having a baby! July 2010" and put it in a frame that said FAMILY at the top. That's what I wrapped up to give to my parents.

My mom decided to open it and Todd grabbed our camera and flipped it to video even though my mom and dad didn't know they were being filmed. When my mom opened the box and saw the silhouette of the frame, she said, "I knew it." When she turned the frame over and read what the photo said, she put her hand over her mouth, said, "No. No, you're not!" and began to bawl. Meanwhile, my dad had NO idea what was going on. She handed it to my dad and proceeded to cry. My dad looked at the picture, looked at me and said, "You're kidding?!" (That was a VERY popular response to our news from everyone we told!) It was shocking, even to us!

Telling Todd our wonderful news!


Spent the day with the Becks on Sunday, Nov. 15. Todd finally made it home and came over to the Becks too. We watched the Vikes, had lunch and hung out. Finally around 6 p.m., I told Todd I was tired and wanted to go home. What I really wanted was to tell him our news! I had waited long enough!

We got home and he unloaded some of his hunting crap. I waited patiently for him to get seated in his recliner. When he did, I went into our bedroom and got a small package out of my dresser drawer. He said, “Now what’d you buy me at the craft show?”I handed him the package and he said, “It’s a T-shirt but what does it say?” I said, “Hang on. I need to get the camera.” He said, “Why? Oh man. What’s it say?” I prepared the camera and told him to go ahead and open it.

The picture I took wasn’t very good as it just shows him holding up the T-shirt and reading it. I didn’t get the reaction shot I had hoped for but that’s OK.

His T-shirt said, “Trophy Daddy.” I had made it because of the Trophy Husband sweatshirt joke between us. He read the shirt, looked at me and said, “Really?” And I was already bawling! He jumped up, yelled “Yippee” or something like that and then we hugged and cried and he repeated “Amen” over and over again! We took a picture of ourselves. He’s wearing the T-shirt proudly even though I ironed the wording on crooked! Oh well. I told him I’d make him a new one if he really wanted one!

We discussed who we were going to tell and I said that I had had nine days to think about this and to hear me out. I told him I wanted to tell Heidi, Patty, Melissa, Dave and Julie and Jim and Sheila, as all of these people have already been praying for us throughout this process. He agreed that it was OK to tell those people.

First appointment

Well, I met with a nice RN named Donna on Nov. 11. She was very sweet. I didn’t make her cry but of course, I cried. Imagine that.

I had blood work done and gave a urine sample. Special. My first appointment with Dr. Rice is Dec. 3 at 9 a.m. I’m excited but nervous. Oh, and I found out that on Friday, I’ll be six weeks along. Only six weeks more before it’s “safe” to tell people.

After I tell Todd on Sunday, I’m hoping we can discuss telling just a few others. I want to tell Heidi, Patty, Melissa, Dave and Julie and Jim and Sheila. We’ll see what Todd says.

Trying to act 'normal'

I took a third pregnancy test Nov. 8. Yep, it said “Pregnant.” I can’t help but keep taking the tests! Maybe I’ll take one more next Sunday so I have something to show Todd. I’m going to head to my mom and dad’s to visit. I wish I could tell them. I wish I could tell everyone. I want to scream it at the top of my lungs!

Had fun with my mom. Beat her in two games of cribbage. That was great. It was so hard to keep my mouth shut though. Wow. Not sure how long I can keep this up once I tell Todd. Tomorrow morning (Nov. 9), I am calling the OB/GYN nurse at St. Joe’s. That’s the first step in this journey. Can’t help but wonder how it’s all going to go. I guess I just have to go to bed now so I hopefully fall asleep. That way tomorrow morning will come sooner!

I woke up Monday morning anxious and excited. I made the call to St. Joe’s and rambled on to this woman who answered the phone. Come to find out, it really wasn’t the right woman to ramble to. Nice! She told me to call back at 8 a.m. and talk to a woman named Mary. I did so and now have my first OB/GYN appointment at 9 a.m. Wednesday, Nov. 11. Scared! But excited too!

The day after....

I got up after 8 a.m. on Nov. 7. I couldn’t sleep anymore. Too excited, nervous, etc. I waited for BMC to open at 9 a.m. and called to talk with a triage nurse. I needed to ask someone what my next step was. I take a few medications and I needed to know if it was OK to continue taking them. Telling some stranger the news was still exhilarating! I explained my situation with having PCOS and basically how we’ve tried for more than 10 years to get pregnant and now as I spoke with her, I was looking at not one but two digital pregnancy tests with the word “Pregnant” on them. She was so joyful for me. She told me she had goose bumps and was just thrilled! I could hear it in her voice. If a perfect stranger reacted that way to my news, what in the world was everyone else going to say? I could only imagine.

Next up is to call the OB/GYN nurse on Monday morning. She will schedule an appointment for me and we’ll go from there. The BMC triage nurse, Pat was her name, also told me she had a task for me. She said since I would have the whole week to myself with this news before telling my husband, I had to come up with some creative and exciting way to tell him. It has to be GREAT. I want Todd to remember that moment for the rest of his life. So, I have quite the task ahead of me. More later. I’m off to shower and then I’m going to venture over to Aitkin and see the family over there. How great it will be to tell them later on that I was pregnant and none of them knew it!

Well, that went just fine. Of course, no one expected a thing but why would they? I did get a lot of compliments on my weight loss which was very nice to hear. Even my father-in-law gave me an “Atta, girl.” I appreciated all the nice comments. Now off to bed. Tomorrow is church. Looking forward to going and praising my Heavenly Father and thanking Him for what He has given me. God is so good.

To tell or not to tell....No question!

Now, to deal with not telling anyone this blessed news!

Boy, that’s going to be tough. For right now, it’s just me and God. But you know, I kind of like it that way. I wonder how I’m going to go to sleep tonight. And I’m supposed to go to Aitkin tomorrow (Nov. 7) to see everyone for the deer hunting weekend. How in the world am I going to do that? Will they be able to read it on my face? Will I be glowing like people say? We’ll see what the day brings I guess. I may just have to stay away since that’s also where Todd is. I don’t want to tell him until I’ve been to the doctor. I have to be absolutely 100 percent sure of this news before I figure out a way to tell him. Boy, he’s sure going to be surprised!

Well, I didn't make it to bed until after 3 a.m. that night. I was too excited and I decided to take another pregnancy test since I had one. Yep, you guessed it. That one said “Pregnant” too! Yippee!

Strange but true

OK, now for some strange stuff...I HAVE to document this because, well, I don’t believe in coincidences anymore. God has His hand in everything we do. We want signs? He gives them to us every day. We’re just sometimes too blind or too caught up in life to notice.

Here’s sign No. 1.
On Wednesday, Nov. 4, I walked into our middle bedroom where my closet is and there on the floor near my closet was a box. A pregnancy test box to be exact. I had stashed the box on the shelf in my closet like I had done many times before. It’s not something I wanted just hanging out for everyone to see and question. Todd never even knew about the tests but only because I didn’t want to ever get his hopes up just to have them come crashing down much like mine did every single time I took one of those tests! I swear we should have bought stock in Clearblue Easy. We’d be rich for sure!

Anyway, I walked over and picked that box up and shoved it back in the closet. For a brief moment, I wondered to myself if that meant something. Then, I passed it off as wishful thinking. I was due to get my period the next day. For whatever reason, it just fell off the closet shelf and landed in plain sight where I could see it. Right!

Thank you, God, for sign No. 1.

No. 2 isn’t really a sign, I guess, but more like an odd occurrence.

I was watching Ellen as I always DVR her show. In the beginning of her monologue, she was telling her audience how she was going to reveal to them the cover of “O” Magazine, in which she is on the cover with Oprah herself in next month’s issue. Then she proceeded to show previous episodes where she “talked” to Oprah through the camera, asking to be on her magazine. It went back to her monologue and she explained what she believed really happened. She said she put her desire to be on “O” out there for the universe in the hopes the universe would give it back to her, answering her request with a resounding yes! Then she told her audience and the camera that if you have a dream, ask for it. Put it out there and it would come back to you. So, for whatever reason I said out loud, by myself in my living room, “I want a baby,” and then sort of chuckled to myself, thinking that seemed a bit ridiculous. Obviously the universe wasn’t going to grant me this special wish. God was going to do it. Little did I know that just a few short hours later, He would do it in a really big way!

No. 3 isn’t really a sign either, just another odd thing. I sometimes like to go on You Tube and look up videos of people surprising their friends and family with the news they’re pregnant. I know. Pure torture, right? I watched a few videos and then realized I really needed to pee. I got up and decided right then and there I was going to take a pregnancy test. The fact that my period never showed up on Thursday, Nov. 5, was driving me nuts. I had been really regular for the past year and was on a 34-day cycle. But the day came and went with nothing. I tried talking myself into the idea that I had the symptoms. I was moody, emotional, my boobs were sore and I just felt like it was coming. I’ve been stressed out about our financial situation lately and chalked up my lateness to that. I even told Tina that earlier in the day. Those who have tried and tried for years to get pregnant know what it’s like to be disappointed time and time again. I was getting my period. I was sure of it. And to just calm my nerves, I was going to rule out being pregnant. Getting those words “Not pregnant” was something I was used to. So, I was just going to pee on the stick, get the word NO out of the way and then concentrate on hopefully getting my period in the next day or two. I guess it’ll be longer than a day or two now.

I kept picking up the test and looking at it. I’d like to say words can’t describe how I’m feeling but I guess I’m doing a good job of putting this evening into words.

I passed the test!


11:43 a.m. on Nov. 6, 2009, will forever be ingrained in my memory.

That is the exact moment I found out I was pregnant. I’ve waited more than 10 years to see that pregnant “sign” in that little window and I finally got it. It wasn’t even the sign. I got the word itself. I keep looking at it, wondering if it will disappear. I mean, I know it’s going to eventually so I took a picture of the test. I also took a few “ugly cry” pictures of myself. Not pretty at all but since I’m here by myself with no one to witness this momentous occasion, I thought it would be only fair to somewhat document my emotions. You can certainly see the emotion on my face. Whew. Not good. Hopefully, years later I can just look at them and laugh.

When I glanced down at that test, I had already set myself up for the answer. It would be the same answer I’ve gotten time and time again. Not pregnant.

Boy, was I surprised! I wish I would have had a picture of that. I stared at myself in the mirror for just a second or two, clamped my hand over my mouth and began to cry out to God. “My God, my God. I’m pregnant. Thank you, Jesus. Thank you!”

After a short time of freaking out (in a good way), I flipped on the TV to the Christian music channel. The song that was just beginning to play was called “Hope Now” by Addison Road. I’d never heard the song and I don’t know who the group is. Because I was still in shock and crying, I didn’t really pay attention to the lyrics much. After I was finally calm enough, I Googled the song and group. Following are the lyrics to the song “Hope Now.” Very powerful stuff. I shouldn’t be surprised. This is the Almighty we’re talking about.

“Hope Now” by Addison Road
If everything comes down to love
Then just what am I afraid of
When I call out Your name
Something inside awakes in my soul
How quickly I forget I'm Yours

I'm not my own
I've been carried by You
All my life


(CHORUS)
Everything rides on hope now
Everything rides on faith somehow
When the world has broken me down
This love sets me free

When my life is like a storm
Rising waters all I want is the shore
You say I'll be ok and
Make it through the rain
You are my shelter from the storm

(CHORUS)
And everything rides on hope now
And everything rides on faith somehow
When the world has broken me down
This love sets me free

You've become my hearts desire
I will sing Your praises higher
Cause Your love sets me free
Your love sets me free
Your love sets me free

I'm not my own
I've been carried by You
All my life

(CHORUS)
Everything rides on hope now
Everything rides on faith somehow
When the world has broken me down
This love sets me free

This love sets me free
Your love sets me free
This love sets me free
Your love sets me free
Your love sets me free
Your love sets me free

Wow. That’s all I can really say! The song simply states to have hope now. Boy, do I ever. I am ashamed to even admit that I was losing hope, not having enough faith in my Heavenly Father. I am so blessed to know that I am forgiven for even doubting Him. What an awesome God we have!

The secret's out — finally!


Now that my pregnancy secret is no longer that, I wanted to get going on this blog.

Because I knew I would eventually start blogging about this incredible journey we've begun, I journaled the night I found out I was pregnant. Firstly, because I was home alone as my husband had begun his 9-day "deer hunting vacation" and missed out on the initial excitement of that first positive pregnancy test, and secondly, I knew that getting my words down on paper (or a blog) would be important to later share with our child.

So, what follows this intro is the first blog regarding my thoughts and feelings after finding out I was finally pregnant after all these years.

I hope you all enjoy reading this blog as much as I will as I update it.